So yesterday, while I was reading a delightful sunbeam of a book called Mother Carey's Chickens, I came across these words that I very confidently decided should be my new motto:
"No whimpering, Madam! You can't have the joys of motherhood without some of its pangs! Think of your blessings and don't be a coward."
These are the words the mother of the book says to herself when she begins to feel low or disheartened. I liked the words because I have been prone to "whimper" these days...and I have felt some "pangs" of motherhood. And I know a thing or two about being a coward. I recently gave birth to my second child and am finding it hard to know how to still give the time to my oldest child that I feel she deserves. I feel like I am failing. And the lack of sleep and being stuck in the house because it's winter and there are tons of germs that my newborn isn't supposed to be subjected to--these things aren't helping matters.
So last night, I confidently decided Mother Carey's words were going to be my motto and everything would be better the next day. Well, today wasn't any better. I didn't live by the motto and I whimpered again.
I hate failing.
Then I read the words below and they helped me through the day. That is what scripture and words of living prophets and apostles do: they bring hope and light and love. They do not lower expectations of my behavior, but they show me that Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ understand me and love me and can help me meet those expectations....be it ever so gradual.
"You are loved. You are dear to your heavenly parents. The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you! He is mindful of you. Yes, God loves you this very day and always. He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed--even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you. And God knows of your successes; though they may seem small to you, He acknowledges and cherishes each one of them. He loves you for extending yourself to others. He loves you for reaching out and helping others bear their heavy burdens--even when you are struggling with your own. He knows everything about you. He sees you clearly--He knows you as you really are. And He loves you--today and always."
Having a child has taught me more about myself and my relationship with God than anything I have previously experienced in my life.
For instance, my little girl, Evie, has a stuffed turtle with a shell that projects the stars and moon on her ceiling. Last night, she was holding it in her hands and she started looking through the little star shaped holes directly at the light bulb in the shell. As soon as I told her not to do it, she of course tightened her hold on the turtle and stared more fiercely into the light. I explained to her that staring directly at light bulbs hurts your eyes. Did that stop her from wanting to do it? No. Same thing with walking in the street. I explain to her that it is dangerous to walk out into the street because cars drive on the road and they don't always see people walking. Basically, getting hit by a car would hurt really bad. "Big Bonk" in 2-year old language. Does she still try to spend a lot of time playing in the street. Yes.
So while the whole turtle light bulb situation was happening, I was thinking to myself, "She is so stubborn! Why would she consistently choose to do something that I tell her is not good for her eyes. That can hurt her. And then why, when she does get hurt in these situations (like when I tell her not to stand in her booster seat at the kitchen table because she could fall and hit her head....and then she falls and hits her head), why does she look at me with tears running down her cheeks as if I was the reason she fell?" Those are the thoughts running through my mind.
And then suddenly, I see myself in her. I do the same thing, all the time. Like parking in a place I shouldn't park because it's convenient--thinking this time I won't get a ticket even though I've been ticketed every other time I've parked here. And then when I get the ticket, I curse the guy who gave me the ticket. The same thing is true for me with spiritual principles--with commandments that come from Heavenly Father. And suddenly my relationship and interactions with Evie are juxtaposed with my relationship and interactions with God...except this time I am still the child. And He is telling me things He has always said--things like, "Keep the Sabbath day holy. Make it a day for spiritual things and for serving and helping others (because when you do that, you are serving and helping Me). And on this one day of the week, when you can, refrain from the normal weekday work that you do and the normal weekday recreation. And if you do this, you will be better and brighter and happier." (see Isaiah 58:13-14) And I look down and find myself wanting to tighten my grip on the silly fluff of a book that I am currently reading or wanting to sleep all day rather then put down the book or get out of bed to go do something for someone else or even just to spend quality time with my family. Things like that.
I love this quote from a talk given in a recent church conference:
"God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God's love is His commandments."
"Free Forever, to Act for Themselves" Elder D. Todd Christofferson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
I am finding this to be more and more true in my life. That God's love is manifest in the commandments He gives and in always giving us the choice to obey them or to not obey them. And then He further manifests His love in giving us someone, a Savior, who understands us perfectly and can help us up and heal us when we fall out of the chair that we deliberately climbed despite the countless warnings about the damage it would do. I am trying to love and trust my Heavenly Father the way I hope my daughter can love and trust me.
And here's a video I really like:
-Elin
Who wishes she could become an official namer of streets. How does "turn right on Whistling Wood" and "make a left on Rhododendron Way" sound? I think I have a real aptitude for that kind of work.
Another thought-provoking quote if you are still even reading this....
"To those who believe anything or everything could be true, the declaration of objective, fixed, and universal truth feels like coercion--"I shouldn't be forced to believe something is true that I don't like." But that does not change reality. Resenting the law of gravity won't keep a person from falling if he steps off a cliff. The same is true for eternal law and justice. Freedom comes not from resisting it but from applying it. That is fundamental to God's own power. If it were not for the reality of fixed and immutable truths, the gift of agency would be meaningless since we would never be able to foresee and intend the consequences of our actions. As Lehi [a prophet in the Book of Mormon] expressed it: 'If ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act or to be acted upon..(2 Nephi 2:13).'" "Free Forever, to Act for Themselves" Elder D. Todd Christofferson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
“I had to put a lock on my refrigerator so the boys won’t
get in it.”
“Before you get a treat you have to show me a cool dance
move.”
“Don’t fight with real knives!”
“Just because you know fighting moves does not mean you can
use them on your sister.”
The few phrases above are from phone conversations I have
had with sisters that are interrupted by these phrases or similar ones. I have
6 sisters and sisters-in law, a wonderful mother-in-law and a loving mother who
are great examples to me over motherhood. I grew up in a loving home, believing
I had one of the best moms in the world and as I’ve grown and matured, I
realize that I was right. My mom is a light in darkness. She shines bright and
does her best to share her light. I am blessed to have married a man whose
mother is also one of a kind in her graciousness. I could go on for ages about
how amazing examples these two women are in my life.
I have many examples of motherhood in my life between
sisters, sisters-in-law, and close friends. One things that stands out to me as
I watch these women I love mother their children; they all have different
methods and parenting styles but all those methods work for them and their
families. I am generally in awe that such different methods yield similar results it is because they have one things in common: They are all in line with ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the world’ which states,
“Parents have a
sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for
their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one
another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they
live…. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on
principle of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion,
work, and wholesome recreation activities… In these sacred responsibilities,
father and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”
Being a mother is a huge responsibility, one that I look
forward to with eagerness. I am blessed to have so many great examples in my
life. I know that no one could have taught me to love more fiercely and constantly, and to show
kindness no matter the circumstance than my own mother. She will always be an
example to me.
I know that because I am a woman, I have been called to be a
mother. Even though I do not have children I can still fulfill this calling; by
following the example of the many mothers in my life; by showing love to all
those who need it. I know as I work to do this I will become more Christlike
because that is what I have seen in the lives of my mom, mother-in-law, and
sisters.
In closing, I would like to recognize that being a mother is
tough. Again, I do not know this from experience but from watching my examples. I
get a lot of chuckles from listening to things my sisters say to their children
when I’m on the phone with them but I also listen as they tell me of their
struggles, heart aches, and their pains. To mothers everywhere, and especially
to my own, I would like to quote Elder Jeffery R. Holland, an apostle of the
Lord,
“May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are
magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been
given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in
Heaven has in you. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no,
especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Rely on
Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And press forward with a
steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”
